What does pain teach us?

Pain once we gain an understanding of it, can turn our lives around and make us more prepared for life’s challenges.  At some point in our lives every one of us will experience pain. We may have our hearts  or lost a loved one. Some of us may be in an abusive relationship or may suffer sexual abuse. We may lose one of our children, be mugged or have our homes broken into.

It is very hard when we have lost someone dear to us to move on with our lives and past the pain. Bereavement is a process that must be experienced whether we want to or not, as finally it will catch up with us. Abuse in any shape or form is never justified no matter what provocation the abuser argues. Remember it is not your fault, it is and will always be about control and power over another person. To say you will never love or trust again after your heart is broken is a burden much too hard to for you to bear. If you never trust or love again in the same way, that person will still be affecting you and has in effect, won. As they have changed the way you relate to the world around you and others, because of their actions and no one has the right to do that to another person.

How can we make pain in our lives work for us and not against us and turn us into better people? We can do this by looking at the clues the pain leaves behind. For example, if you have been in an abusive relationship find out all you can about the personality types of the people most likely to hurt you in this way. This will help you recognise the signs, knowledge is power.

Women’s Aid run a fantastic course called “The Freedom Project” and they will assist support people whether they are still in their relationship or not. They will not judge you, which is incredibly important as any person who has experienced this, will tell you.

They will also assist with housing issues and provide you with a place of safety. They will also advise where you can find any legal support you may require.

When we start to understand a process we can move through it more easily. We begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and can see a way forward. As for losing a child I cannot imagine anything worse that could happen to any parent or family. At some level it will always be with you but support can lessen the burden you are carrying and make it more manageable. Bereavement is made more understandable when we are aware there are different stages of grief. Once we learn about this we can pinpoint what stage we are at and begin to recognise as we move forward. Likewise, we can determine if we are not moving forward and seek help and assistance from relevant professionals or support groups.

The first step always, when there is a blockage in our lives, is to admit there is one. The second is to do something about it and the third to actively participate in our own healing process. However, it is important that we don’t measure our own progress against other people’s, as we all move at a different pace and we need to be patient with ourselves. If we do not, healing will not take place fully. The first step to loving others is to love ourselves.

So what does pain teach us? It teaches us where our boundaries are, as we can’t establish this without someone first, crossing them. Pain teaches us wisdom as with hindsight we can make the connections that lead us to that moment in time.

Painful experiences often put our lives into perspective as when we look back after something awful has happened to us; we see how most of our everyday worries were trivial and unimportant and not worth the time we gave them.

Many people choose to turn their pain into a positive force by assisting others in their journeys. Such as, mothers and fathers who have lost a child who work tirelessly to raise money for charity. These people turn their pain into a force for positive change by supporting others who are going through the same thing they too have been through.

Women’s Aid and other such organisations such as Rape Crisis are littered with people who have experienced domestic abuse or rape personally. Many people, suffering with Mental Health difficulties, have written about their experiences in order to support other people who are also struggling, in the same way. Support is a very powerful tool, as when people see they are not alone it lessens their sense of fear and isolation.

If you are reading this and are or know of someone who is struggling with any of these issues; please reach out to support them or seek some help, if it is you. There is no problem you cannot turn back from and no one is ever completely alone. Always remember that you are loved and are precious, reach out your hand and someone will take it and lead you to a better place.

Love & Light



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